I Know Everything !

For adult women only, okay there might be a few men that would appreciate this too.

At the beginning, let me say, I don't normally use bad language but sometimes the occasion calls for it, and anyway, my dad started it!
I debated whether or not I should tell this story . Sorry, dad, but it is too funny not to pass it on.
First a little background. My parents are old. Late 70's. Yeah, I know I'll be there one day myself, but once in a while, something happens or is said and you know you just can't keep it to yourself. Hopefully, I'll still be making my kids laugh when I get that old, too.
My mom has Parkinson's Disease. One of the med's she takes causes constipation. She also has a hole in her macula (eye problem) . Her doctor has suggested eye surgery but that doesn't always help. It is like having a dark spot right in the middle of your vision.
Here's the conversation:
Me: "Dad, why is mom procastinating about her eye surgery?"
Dad: "Well, she's got several other things on her mind."
Me: "Like what?"
Dad: "Like her mammogram." (scheduled, but not done yet)
Me: "What's her mammogram got to do with eye surgery?"
Dad: "Well, when they get in there, I'm afraid, they're going to find a blockage."
Me:"A blockage? (puzzled) She hasn't said anything about her breasts hurting or anything. Why would they find a blockage?"
Dad: (getting a little frustrated with me), "Sometimes she says it hurts in here." pointing at his
stomach about where you get heartburn.
Me: Well, she hasn't told me that."
Dad: "She don't tell you everything, but I'm sure she has a blockage."
Me: "Why do you think it's a "blockage"?" (Still trying to figure it out.)
Dad: (getting really testy with me) Well, I call it a blockage when you haven't shit in 6 days !"
Me: (about to run off the road trying not to laugh and not doing it very successfully), Dad, a mammogram is a picture of your boobs !
Dad: "You think you know everything, don't you!!"

Well, evidently I don't. Know everything, I mean, I sure didn't know they could see your shit backing up that far !
You can sure tell that he's never had a mammogram before.

Again, sorry for the language, I don't normally talk that way, but this was a special occasion !
Now go hug an old man!